Why don’t mother and daughter-in-laws get along?

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“I pray my mother-in-law is dead before I marry my husband’

I was in my first year in the university, when my room mate uttered those words. I initially thought she was only joking when she said it, but I soon realized that she wasn’t. Her mother’s distasteful experiences and those of the ‘many’ married women she knew and heard about had taught her what she believed to be a universal fact;

‘Most wives don’t get along with their mother-in-laws because

most mother-in-laws are difficult and even diabolic’.

After I got over the shock of hearing such a self-centered statement, I asked her how she’d feel if God answered a similar prayer from her brother’s future wife. The moment she realized that the answer of such a prayer could mean her own mother’s death, she quickly decided that her initial prayer point was inappropriate 😉

THE ISSUE/MY QUESTION

Its no big news that many daughter-in-laws don’t get along with their mother-in-laws. The real issue for me is WHY IS THIS THE CASE? and what is the SOLUTION to the problem?

I already asked two young men and these were their comments;

Azubuike said:

“Women in general are not very good at sharing. As a guy, I can walk into my friends room and go straight to his locker to pick something to eat and he’d not be offended. But ladies!!! No way. They’ll never do that. So I think they just carry over that character of not wanting to share into their relationship with their mother or daughter-in-laws. Neither the wife nor the man’s mother wants to share the man’s time, attention and affection or money with the ‘other’… Thats why I think daughter and mother-in-laws don’t get along”

Moses said:

“Well I think its just a question of that particular woman’s character or attitude. Over time, I’ve noticed that women who don’t get along with their daughter or mother-in-law also don’t get along with other people. So for me its just a question of a woman’s true character showing itself in whether or not she gets along with her daughter or mother-in-law.”

Now its your turn to comment. Do you agree with Azubuike or Moses or do you think differently? Plus. What do you think could be a solution to the problem?

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Twitter: @ify_ngozikaa

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Photo Courtesy: thevillageparent.com

  • Emeka D. Azubuike

    This is really an all important issue you have raised. Azubuike and Moses are both correct but they are both subjective to who might be involved. Women generally have issues with one another, they detest seeing another lady dressing better or being more sophisticated than them. So is not a surprise when a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law are both seeking for the attention of the man.
    Every right thinking daughter-in-law should be able to be at peace with her mother-in-law unless the latter is really difficult to please, so she must strive to make her happy. Like I said it can be a subjective issue, different people with unexpected attitude and character.

    • singifeoma

      Thanks Azubuike… I was particularly drawn to the your statement that “…Women generally have issues with one another, they detest seeing another lady dressing better or being more sophisticated than them.”…hmmm. Are we really that covetous? Lol

      • Emeka D. Azubuike

        Loool it might not really be covetousness, I can’t just explain it but is like ladies can be really competitive. I saw a lot of that in school.
        For instance, being room mates is always a big issue, they would say they want their space and privacy.
        I told a girl to help me call another from the hostel and she said no cos the other girl is someone(so she said), actually the girl was more popular and classy too.
        Anyone who has this attitude or maybe has some esteem issues will contest with anyone who tries to take her husband’s attention, even the mum.
        Any ways is not always the case though exceptions do happen.

        Thanks for this opportunity to say what I think. Cheers!

  • Victory Odunjo

    Moses and Azuibuike are both right 🙂 I personally feel it has a lot to do with the place of the ladies in the mans life. The mother has been the undisputed number one for soo many years, and here comes this young lady wanting to take her place.. So it becomes a sort of competition. There are also other things involved like beliefs, maybe the mum totally doesn’t like where the lady is from, her tribe, or the son probably married her against her will.. It takes women a long time to accept each other and love.. It also takes a while to get used to not being involved as one used to be in someones life.. Change maybe the hardest thing in such situation… Great discussion Ifeoma.. More grace!

  • Ikechukwu Anuforo

    Big issue.Not only mother in law but anyone related to the husband.On this issue,I will say it is clash of interest and two captain cannot steer a ship.The mother wants to protect the interest of the son and likewise the wife.

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