Is Being Sexually Pure Worth All The Sacrifice?
A male friend of mine once told me:
“A lot of guys complain about the fact that some of their pairs are involved in pre-marital sex and they all seem not to lose anything. According to these guys, their sexually active single friends even end up marrying the so-called good girls. As such, there is the perception that they too can be involved in pre-marital sex and sexual exploration and suffer nothing. In fact, one person told me his brother slept with a lot of ladies while single and ended up marrying a church girl with whom he now enjoys a happy marriage. So he feels if he is careful during the period he’s exploring sexually, he can also get married without any problems and will also have the added benefit of having some experience in lovemaking.”
If your smartphone developed a fault and you had the option of sending it back to the manufacturer to fix it for free or sending it to a good neighbourhood smartphone repair shop also for free, which would you trust to do a better job? I think that without any argument, you would agree with me that the phone’s manufacturer could be trusted to do a better job than the smartphone repair shop. The reason for this is simple, no one knows the features and functions of a product better than it’s manufacturer.
What does this have to do with sex?
Everything. God made sex and in his wisdom gave us guidelines on how to enjoy it, any attempt to use sex outside of the manufacturer’s instructions will be akin to using the heel of your shoe to knock a nail into the wall simply because it can do it. You’ll ruin the sole of your shoe. Maybe not in an obvious way at first, but you’ll ruin it. The same thing goes for sex and everything else God has made. If we misuse it for whatever reason, we will suffer the natural consequences of our actions. To think otherwise is to fool ourselves and no one else.
More specific benefits of staying sexually pure:
- James 1:12 tells us that if we don’t give in and do wrong when we are tempted, Jesus will reward us with the crown of life that God has promised those who love him. Those who indulge their sinful desires only gain temporary pleasures, but those who resist temptation by the power of God, gain an eternal reward in heaven.
- Every sexual encounter we have prior to marriage will hinder us from achieving true oneness with our spouses (except we renew our minds with God’s word). How many married couples got married only to encounter struggles in achieving sexual oneness with their spouses because they developed an appetite for something their spouse can’t give them? How about how easy it is to fantasize about someone else while you’re with your spouse simply because that other person was sexier or more creative or willing than your spouse? When we keep from sexual sins, we keep ourselves from acquiring sexual scars prior to marriage that can make it difficult to enjoy full oneness with our spouses.
- Habits are hard to break. If you give into the temptation to indulge in sexual activities prior to marriage in the name of easing the tension you feel, rest assured that all such habits won’t disappear simply because you got married. In fact, the temptation to indulge in such habits may intensify as you encounter the stress that comes with being married. However, if you by the help of the Holy Spirit, develop habits that encourage your sexual purity, all such habits will automatically kick in when temptations arise in marriage.
- When you and your fiancé work together as a team to overcome the desires of your flesh, you will be building trust into your relationship in a very strong way. I remember years ago when I worked as a civilian staff at a military establishment. During an informal chat, one of my bosses explained how confident he was that his wife would remain faithful to him even though they now lived apart due to the demands of his job. He was convinced that since she didn’t give into the temptation to have sex with him while they were courting, she would stay strong even now that they lived apart.
Imagine how that man will respond to a rumour about his wife being unfaithful in his absence. He’s got faith in his wife and she earned it. When we choose to stay sexually pure, we’re sowing seeds of trust in our marriage relationship and that’s an awesome investment.
- You maintain your sense of objectivity when evaluating your relationship: Sexual involvement prior to marriage creates a bond that can hinder your ability to make an objective decision as to whether or not to remain in a relationship. This is particularly stronger for the ladies due to the release of oxytocin (also known as the bonding hormone) after sex. They feel this strong sense of connection that they mistake for love and are more likely to remain in a detrimental relationship because they already feel so connected to the person.
- You give no room to the devil to tempt you to dwell on the guilt or shame of past sexual sins once married: While there is no more condemnation for us in Christ (Romans 8:1), when we give into sin, the devil will without fail attempt to make us feel ashamed and guilty. Heeding the leading of the spirit and exercising self-control in the face of sexual temptation, saves us from having to suffer through that additional temptation.
Finally, you don’t need any prior experience in lovemaking before your wedding for you to have a fulfilling sexual relationship. That logic goes against God’s instructions to us in his word so it is sin regardless of what name anyone calls it. Always remember God’s word – …Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.” (1 Corinthians 7:3MSG).