DECONGESTING THE FRIEND ZONE: Why Is It So Hard?

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“Why do ladies find it hard to ‘promote’ their male friends from the friend zone?

I mean he was good enough to be your friend,

why then do we find it hard to start to see him as a potential boyfriend/mate?”

That was the question that crossed my mind a few days ago after reading a Facebook post by a friend of mine. He had posted the above picture with the caption;

“De-congest your friend zone today and give that “dude” the promotion he deserves.”

And just like you, I laughed and laughed and laughed. He was right- that I know for sure. Lol. But my question was ‘Why’? Why do we ladies find it so hard to give ‘the dude the promotion he deserves’ ☺️

This question also applies to those of us who believe that we must hear from God before we decide to enter into a romantic relationship with a person. Even after the lord has spoken to the lady (in quote), I’ve known quite a number of instances where the lady struggled with the idea of dating/courting/marrying a guy she’s been calling her friend for ages.

So that’s my question and I’m sure both the gents and ladies have loadz of things to say. So rush to the comment box below and ‘drop it like its hot’😉

The question again;

“Why do ladies find it hard to ‘promote’ their male friends from the friend zone?

I mean he was good enough to be your friend,

why then do we find it hard to start to see him as a potential boyfriend/mate?”

P.S…Just for clarity, the definition of the term Friend Zone according to Wikepedia;

“In popular culture, friend zone refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person, most commonly a man, wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.”

^^^

Thanks for dropping your opinions and insights in the comment box below…xoxo

^^^

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  • Ikhide

    Hmmm…had a very ‘lively’ discussion on this exact subject with my colleagues as we drove home from work a few days back…4 guys and a lady.
    She’d initially turned down her boyfriend’s advances because they’d been friends forever. Her ‘reason’ was the thought of what would happen to their friendship if the romantic relationship didn’t eventually work out. The friendship had been sooo good, why ruin it with this? (Can you imagine, my guy dey there dey love, she’s talking about ruining…loll).
    Of course, her reason made zero sense to the four of us but wetin man go do? That’s her thoughtline and as the guy, it’s your job to systematically dissolve those hesitations because what I’ve found most times is this : not that she doesn’t like him enough to be his girlfriend, she just needs some reassurance that it will turn out well.
    Then there’s this other annoying excuse (loll…) of the friend-zoned guy being too nice, she now sees him like an elder (or younger) brother. I don’t know what you people want o….not nice….wahala….nice….It’s now TOO nice.

    Advice to my brothers out there: if you’re even remotely considering dating her, try not to play the elder/twin brother role from the start. If you need tips on that, Ngozikaa will write a followup post on that as well (S.I.N.G, I’m right, right?)

    Okay, now that my comment has equalled the post’s word count, I’ll cover my face and run away….loll

    • singifeoma

      Lol. Tnx bro. I’ll consider ur suggestion on writing a follow up post 😉

    • Temitayo

      I believe the lady’s worry about not ruining it is very valid. Why leave a good relationship for another one that has a fifty fifty chance of working, as well as ruining the perfectly good one you started with in the first place?

  • Wols

    The ladies upbringing is part of it. U know she probly wants smone like her dad or brother and the guy in question no be am. Or tribe issues. Or education. Or jus simply hygiene issues. Sing na endless list. My advice every lady should put the guy under what i call that one test. Nothing hard yh. But smtin she wud always hold on too. That made him get the promotion. Even at Jobs you go though. Probation and afterwards period appraisals. That my take. The guy must earn that promotion!

  • Benjamin Michael

    Wondering why the Ladies aren’t commenting…….
    Could it be that SING has finally hit the nail on the head?…..
    C’mon Ladies…at least one of you should come up with a defense for your line of thought and why that promotion is hardly ever given.
    Well, am glad that it is one of your own that has actually become bold enough to raise this issue, this is to say that there is actually hope for more guys ‘Friends’ out there.
    But if i am to take a false pick into your brains and comment as to why you hardly consider dating that brother ‘friend’, I’d probably say its because one naturally doesn’t appreciate that which He/She is already use to, which explains the saying that “THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE”
    Maybe this is why you guys hardly ever consider dating that brother cause you constantly looking around for that presumably more qualified ‘Boo’ material.
    And there you have it…I just made an excuse for you guys. i may be wrong, but that is why we need y’all to start hitting those buttons and begin to pour out your reasons.
    BRING IT ON!!

  • Lifegiva2

    First, I think most best friends now a days end up marrying each other.
    But before we go all criticising the ladies, sometimes what it takes to be a friend and what it takes to be a lover, or what you want in your friend and what you want in your lover is just a two different thing, that he has been an awesome friend, shld make him a good lover right? Not necessary, the guy may think so, ‘cos for him love is friendship, for her, love is a whole lot of things.

    My advice is to the guys, stop playing the “friend card” to become a lover, play the lover card. It quite obvious enuf, you are being friends, while she’s getting 5 chykers saying romantic stuffs nd wanting to be with her daily, common, put yourself in her shoes, and if you’ve bn friend-zoned, trust me, you have a greater access to her heart, start being the lover in the friend-zone. Shikena!

  • Chinaza Imala

    A popular Nigerian saying goes thus: What you’re looking for in Sokoto, is in your shokoto. I think that sometimes, some ladies would do themselves a world of good by looking no further than their friendzone lol

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