Here’s what really matters in building a blissful marriage

They spilled it all…at least as much as time permitted.

The event was the Lagos edition of the Loveology Summit, organized by Ifeoma Nkem-Gbemudu, HR professional and author of the critically acclaimed book – “Can I Be Married Already?!” Just like at the first two editions (which held in Port Harcourt and Abuja), the convener – Ifeoma took the time to ask 4 married Christian millennials questions about everything they believe matters in building a blissful marriage.

 From L-R: Chidi Oguegbu, Ibukun Osigbesan, Ifeoma Nkem-Gbemudu, Morenike Molehin & Wole Emmanuel

Ibukun Osigbesan, Morenike Molehin, Wole Emmanuel and Chidi Oguegbu were the speakers on the panel. Below are some of the answers they gave to the questions asked:

Question 1: What do you wish you knew before you got married?

  • Nobody completes you: if you’re looking for the feeling of completeness from another human or spouse, you’ll be disappointed.
  • You cannot know a person just by dating them.
  • I wish I better understood what it was for a husband and wife to work as partners in all things.
  • I did not know that sex was such a big deal for men.
  • I did not know that marriage was a lot of work like you have to be intentional about building a successful marriage or making your marriage work.
  • I thought my wife’s Public Display of Affection (PDA) would end after we got married but it hasn’t. In fact, it has increased. So I’m learning to just roll with it even though sometimes I’m a little embarrassed.
  • Having a baby changed our sexual rhythm and so we discovered we’d need to be intentional about the activities we need to engage in on a weekly basis to help maintain a good relationship sexually.
  • I wish someone had advised us to invest part of the money we got as gifts at the wedding.

Question 2: What 5 areas do you believe that two people courting need to be in agreement in, for them to enjoy their marriage?

  • Faith: Be sure you have the same doctrinal beliefs and not just being believers of the same faith.
  • Money: Every lady should be financially responsible and be sure to marry someone with whom you have the same thoughts/beliefs about money.
  • Values: When dating or courting, you need to be sure that both of you have the same values. If the other party does not share the same values with you, it might be a red flag because it is those values that will dictate how things pay out in your home when you’re married. So if your values are not aligned, then you’ll be signing up for a lot of disagreements and strife in marriage.
  • Intending couples need to be sure they’re in agreement with regards to how they will handle disputes in marriage.
  • It’s important for both parties to be in agreement with regards to their understanding of the place spiritual authority (your pastors) in your home.

Question 3: How much money should a guy have before he can consider marriage or before a wise lady can accept his proposal?

  • As a lady, your focus shouldn’t be on what a guy has before you marry him. The important question is what you too are bringing to the table. You need to be financially responsible for yourself before you even get think of getting married.
  • There’s no set amount a single guy should have before getting married. However, he should have a regular source of income with which to take care of himself and his wife. Plus he also needs to have his own place/house (whether rented or bought) where he and his wife will build their home.
  • Although money is important I think we can learn a lot from Proverbs 18:22. A single guy must be focused on fulfilling purpose but he must trust that God will lead him to a woman who will honor and respect him even if he is broke at the moment.
  • Most importantly, the man should be visionary and he must be able to communicate his vision to her. A woman should look for a man with faith and believe God to provide for them.

Question 4: Should a Christian be bothered about sexual compatibility? if yes, what should Christian singles do to be sure they are sexually compatible before marriage without having premarital sex?

  • I don’t think Christians should be bothered about sexual compatibility. It’s however wise to have an insight into your intended’s past sexual experience and after that just trust God and pray that sex will be great in marriage.
  • I think sexual compatibility is a scam because God already designed male and female sexual organs to be ‘sexually compatible’. So we don’t need to worry about being sexually compatible. I just believe that the way to have great sex in marriage is to make up your mind to be a great spouse. Just make a decision to make sure your spouse enjoys the sexual experience too (instead of being focused on only your needs/desires) and you’ll have great sex in marriage.

P.S. The above is my paraphrased summary of some of the answers the panelists gave to some of the questions asked. You can, however, click HERE to watch the entire event on YouTube. That way you’ll know who said what and more. Here’s the link again.

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