HOLY AND HORNY: Handling Our Sexual Desires As Christian Singles

“Slow, soft kisses, from the crown of my head to the tip of my toes; won’t it be great to wake up to that this morning”?

The thought floated through my mind as my eyes peeled open that morning. I didn’t feel like getting up, so I took one quick glance at my phone to see what the time was and shut my eyes to savour the thought much longer. By the time I took a second look at my phone, I realised I had spent over 30 minutes fantasizing about things I’m sure you won’t want me to tell you.

Oh yes, we all get horny – male and female, saved and unsaved, virgin or not. And it’s not because we’re sinful that we have sexual desires but simply because God made us that way. We are spirit beings living in bodies with sexual needs. Our sexual desires (which lead us to ‘have’ sex) are God’s gift to us to help us fulfil his mandate to us to be ‘fruitful and multiply’. But depending on your libido (sex drive) which itself is determined by a mix of biological, psychological and social factors, your sex drive as a Christian can make you sound like Zara:

“It’s just too hard. I’m 31 and I’ve never had SEX. Sometimes I feel so frustrated and angry with God because I feel it’s so unfair He lets me go through this. At such times, I just say, “Okay God, I understand you don’t want me having sex before I’m married, but where is the husband that I’ve been asking you for? In fact, sometimes I just feel like ignoring that portion of scripture and just having sex so badly, but then when I consider the consequences of following through I decide it won’t be wise to do so.”

Or like Vincent:

“I’m engaged to be married and 3 months away from saying ‘I DO’ to the love of my life. But this season is really hard for me [cos] I’m struggling a lot more now with my desire to have sex with her. My fiancée always looks so pretty and we have to spend more time together to agree on wedding plans. Sometimes when she’s speaking and my eyes fall on her lips, I get lost in thought thinking about what it would be like to finally kiss her. And whenever she for whatever reason brushes any part of my body with her breasts or buttocks, I always feel a rush of subtle wind flowing through my third leg.”

In other words, sometimes it feels like even our own bodies ask the question: CAN I BE MARRIED ALREADY?!!!

SEX is not the problem

Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations?
Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder
.” – (1Corinthians 7:1-3 MSG) emphasis mine

God gave us sex as a physical expression of intimacy within the covenant of marriage. While He made sure the act was ‘oh so pleasurable’, biological release for pleasure or reproduction is not the sole purpose of sex. Sex is much more about – relationship, bonding and intimacy. We get a sense of this when we see the Bible use the word ‘know’ to mean a sexual encounter between a man and a woman as is written in Genesis 4:1 KJV. And Adam knew Eve his wife, and; she conceived, and bare Cain.”

Download a FREE chapter of this book- HERE https://bit.ly/2CYO5OU

Sex was intended by God to bring a man and a woman together in the closest way possible so that they become ‘one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). Sex, whether with your spouse or with anyone else, creates an emotional and spiritual bond between you and the other person (1Corinthians 6:15-16). God designed it that way and as such there’s no such thing as casual sex or any other lose term the media or secular society uses to make us think sex can be just another recreational/biological activity with no consequences.

However,

“Intimacy is not sex” – Matthew Kelly

Because intimacy is used as a euphemism for sex, many of us, without realizing it think that intimacy is sex, but it’s not. Matthew Kelly author of ‘The Seven Levels of Intimacy’ defines intimacy as ‘mutual self-revelation that allows us to know and be known’. The Bible encourages this kind of mutual self-revelation amongst believers as in Galatians 6:2 where the apostle Paul admonishes us to “bear one another’s burden and so fulfil the law of Christ.”

According to the book (7 Laws of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly), humans are creatures of intimacy because every aspect of our being- spirit, soul and body, craves its own form of intimacy. The spirit craves spiritual intimacy, the soul craves emotional and intellectual intimacy while the body craves physical intimacy. However, Matthew Kelly asserts that sexual intimacy is only a small part of physical intimacy, which itself is only one-fourth of intimacy. 
Why am I explaining intimacy here?

Because understanding the fact that sex is only a small part of what we really desire is one way to help us put it in perspective. It also helps us see that the sex the world sells us, void of relationship and commitment, is a cheap imitation of the real because it lacks substance.

………………………….

Thanks for reading thus far. This is an excerpt from my new book:

“CAN I BE MARRIED ALREADY?!- Biblical Answers to
The Questions That Plague Your Heart Because You’re Still Single.”

https://bit.ly/2CYO5OU

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xoxo

Ify

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